Time to think

Today is the last day of March, yes I know that I am stating the obvious there...but, I cannot believe that it can be April already.....it was only Christmas yesterday.....or that is how it feels to me.

The clocks went forward an hour here at the weekend, which is all very lovely, now we have lighter nights, we can do more in the evenings and soon it will be BBQ weather (yes, I am jumping the gun there a bit!!!). Unfortunately the change in the time has completely thrown the kids body clocks (and mine for that matter!!)....which resulted in them moaning at bedtime that they were 'NOT TIRED' and did not want to go to bed as it wasn't dark outside (all very confusing I know!!!). Eventually they did go to bed.

When I eventually went to bed, at 10pm (which was really 9pm....hope you are not too confussed and are keeping up!!!), I soon realised what the kids had been moaning about. Although it wasn't light outside, I was not tired, and found myself lying there with time to think (always a bad thing to do!!!).

I started to think about the children and how much I love them. There are times when I can't believe they are 6 and 10, I sometimes feel like someone has pressed the fast forward button and speeded up the time from when they were born to now! I remember very clearly when Daniel was born, and I held him in my arms, he was seconds old - the midwife said to me, "make the most of every minute, because before you know it, you will be blowing out that first birthday candle". At the time, him even being a year old felt like light years away, and now my precious baby is 10....then there is Lauren, who didn't seem to be a baby for 5 minutes, she grew up so fast, walking at 10 months and talking in sentences not long after, she has always been ahead of her time (maybe why she thinks she is a teenager now - ha ha). It scares me sometimes (although I don't know why!), that they are growing up and I want to make the most of every second - I wish I had a remote control to slow the time down......

Then the usual things started to drift in and out of my head......how much I miss my Mum and my Sister, they live quite a long drive away and I don't see them very often. I sometimes feel that after my Dad died, we all drifted apart, my Mum married Terry and made a new life for herself (which I am so glad that she did), Mel got married and had her family, I got married and moved away. Although we are still close and speak to each other often, I definitly do not see them as often as I would like (a 250 mile drive each way makes sure of that!).

I then started to think of the holiday next week and what I would pack (or rather what I would NOT pack). I am going away with a friend of mine and her 2 children, for a week in Devon (please God, let it not rain all next week...), we have hired a people carrier so that we can all travel there together in one vehicle, makes life alot easier....but means that we are restricted for space. SO.....unlike my last trip away, when I visited my Mum, and I packed nearly the whole contents of the house (hehe), this time I have to be controlled, as we have to fit all our stuff in one large holdall. I didn't think that this was worrying me, until I lay there last night trying to decide how many pairs of socks to take and wondering how the hell I will fit all our stuff in one bag...........

Next I started to worry about money (this always creeps into my mind somewhere), and making sure that everything is paid on time (even though most of the bills are paid direct from the bank). I never used to worry about money, until I split with my (now ex), husband....and the realisation set in that I have to support 2 children all on my own (this initially caused mass panic ). I have come to the conclusion that if the months were shorter and I earnt about double what I do, then life would be just peachy (we can all dream..)

Eventually, after worrying about just about everything that I could think of....including whether I had switched off the cooker (I had to get out of bed and double check...told you I am going crazy!!), I finally got to sleep at about 1am, which was really midnight......

When the alarm went off at 6am (really 5am), this morning, I was completely knackered and got out of bed in a very bad mood (which continued all day). So, in closing, I just want to apologise to everyone in the world that I was grumpy to today, including the stupid man who pulled out infront of me on the school run (and got shouted and tooted at - yes I do road rage aswell!!)...I am very sorry that I was such a grouch .......it wasn't my fault, I blame it on the silly person who decided changing the clocks was a good idea - and who will completely confuse us all again later in the year, by putting them back an hour again!!!!!!